I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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