I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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