I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
