I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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