Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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