now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
