I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
