theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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