I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
We need to rekindle our bromance
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
