I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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