The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
