textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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