There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Randomize
