I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
