I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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