I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Randomize
