I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
