Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
