Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
