my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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