Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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