Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
