Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
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