This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
