Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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