Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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