Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We left the knife in your bed.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
