they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
