Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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