Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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