Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
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