ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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