I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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