Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
