You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
