I saw his package. It spoke to me.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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