I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
