I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
