You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Never joke about your clitoris.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
