And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
