just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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