I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
