even my farts smell like vagina
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
