Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
