Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
