Four minutes until I can fart!
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Randomize
