Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
