It's like God shit irony all over that family
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
