so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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