smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
