I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Porn is love you can see.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
