So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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