Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Randomize
