A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
try to milk me bitch
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
