I will die if light touches me.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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